Stand-Alone-Stach #4

Ouch, that hurts. Hey, quit slapping me around. Stach what have you gotten me into this time?

1980's, I'm in an area, maybe Madison Square Garden, and the crowd is going nuts, shouting for blood. Some kind of gladiator event is taking place and I'm right in the middle of a ring wearing a speedo. Good Lord, Stach, you've made me a pro-wrestler? The beefcake across from me sprints away, rebounds off the ropes, runs past me, and delivers a crushing close line that drops me to the turf. Man that hurt, I thought this was supposed to be fake. Guess I'm doing it wrong? I gather my wits just in time to notice that beefcake has thrown himself from the top of the ropes in a move that will kill us both. I roll out in the nick of time and the crowd goes nuts. Apparently forethought wasn't part of beefcake's plan, because he made himself semi-unconscious with a 1.2 landing (according to the Romanian judge) or a 6.0 (according to Richter).

Now's my chance. I look around the ring and notice that a folding chair has been conveniently left just outside the ring easily within arm's reach. I grab the chair, give beefcake a donk on the head for good measure, and set up the chair in the middle of the ring. Stach tells me to ham it up a little so I circle the ring, work up the crowd, and turn back to beefcake. His bell is still ringing so I pick him up and settle him in on the chair. Now the Stach and I come up with an amazing wrestling hold that will become my signature move. I call it the "Cobra Claw". Down goes beefcake and a new pro-wrestler is born, Sgt. Slayer.

For the next few years I travel the US on the T&A Wrestling Tour, make a few guest appearances on TV shows, and eventually become one of the most popular figures in the "sport". They even make a He-Man action figure after my likeness (kung-fu grip equipped of course). Unfortunately it all comes to an end when I'm accidentally killed in a wrestling stunt involving a foreign object, the top rope, a steal cage, a midget, a ref that wasn't looking, a "friend" that betrayed me, and a wrestler that returned from the dead.


I give you: Sgt. Slayer Stach